apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
