I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
