Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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