worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize