He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
