i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize