if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
