Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
