My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
