I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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