A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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