Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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