If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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