Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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