Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
