someone get that fucking seahorse.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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