I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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