i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
