I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
