i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
