She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
