Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
