Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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