U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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