wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
