I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
