he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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