YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
