My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
