Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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