I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
