i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
