Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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