New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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