Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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