Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
