My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
