Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
