new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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