thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
