I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
