the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
