this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Michael Bay diarrhea
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize