Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
