At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
