It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
