Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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