Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
