Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I could fuck to npr.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
