thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
