I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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