I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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