you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
