I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You dont lie about slip and slides
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
