i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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