Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
