Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize