I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
