i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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