Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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