he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize