Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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