i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
