This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
