this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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