haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
