I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
