you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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