One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
