I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
