There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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