Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize