You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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