So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
