Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
