I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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