Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
