He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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