I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize