Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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