On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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