I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
