I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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