ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
