i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
