Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
