He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
