So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
