she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
