i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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