So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
