If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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