Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
