I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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