ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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